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Singled out
From fashion fears to a former flame, social pressure
can be intense for those going solo to weddings
By
Mark Wolf, News Staff Writer
This time of year it's easy to feel like your second job is wedding guest.
Your friends, your cousins, your siblings, your college roommate, your office podmate all traipse down the aisle.
And you? By choice or by chance, you're still single and still going to other people's weddings. Do you stag it or drag it? What's appropriate to wear? And what if you and the bride or groom once were "more than friends?"
"A wedding is a microcosm of the social scene in general," said Philippa Courtney, a syndicated advice columnist and author of Four Steps to Bring the Right Person Into Your Life Right Now.
"Men are more comfortable traveling alone and eating alone and are more comfortable going solo to a wedding. Women prefer to have someone with them."
But who?
"If it's somebody you've been dating quite a while, it creates a conversation, unspoken pressure: 'Why are we here and what does it mean to our relationship?' If you haven't been talking about it you're going to be thinking about it whether or not you talk about it. You're going to be wondering what the other person is thinking," said Courtney.
"Maybe the best thing is to take a buddy of the opposite sex and understand you're both there to mingle and meet."
A fashion faux paus can make you the talk of the day.
"I remember going to a wedding in a bright pink dress and the mother of the bride read me the riot act for taking attention away from her daughter because everybody was there in black, grey or white," she said.
"There's a lot of danger in not knowing what the dress code is. If you find out the colors are peach and white, it doesn't hurt you to wear something that would coordinate with that. It's better to dress more conservatively and save your Sex in the City clothes for another venue."
Although brides and grooms customarily expunge previous lovers from their guest lists, it's possible that you could be invited to the wedding of a person you once had (or still have) deep feelings for.
"If you're dealing with a lot of emotional stress, I wouldn't go," Courtney advised. "You have to take care of yourself."
More likely you'll run into a fellow guest who's an ex-spouse or significant other.
"If you're the one to extend your hand first and say 'Hi' and show it doesn't bother you, you immediately have the upper hand," Courtney said. "Keep it light and breezy and be done with it."
If you're unattached, a wedding can be a great place to meet other singles. Love is in the air, everyone is well-dressed, music is playing and there's a decent chance of an open bar.
"I never went to a wedding looking to meet someone but I often did," said Courtney. "When you are open to something but not looking for it, it usually happens. When you go to have a good time, celebrate someone else's romantic moment, you're going to attract people."
That's where the "comfort date" can be an ally.
"If you're there with a friend of the opposite sex, you can help each other meet someone you're interested in," she said.
All those love songs, couples holding hands and refillable drinks, however, could lead to unwise romantic longings, and you could wind up in a secluded alcove locking lips with a person who, under normal circumstances, you would avoid.
"People often drink too much at weddings and the inhibitions come down," she said. "Weddings bring all the best and worst emotions to the surface: jealousies, angst, our own insecurities. They're fascinating social behavior studies."
Philippa Courtney's Web site is www.RightLove.com.
All content herein is © 2001 DENVER ROCKY MOUNTAIN NEWS and may not
be republished without permission.
  
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