excerpt from book

Before You Start

     What This Book Is and What It Isn’t     

any of us think that finding the right person is simply a matter of luck. But I think that being lucky is a matter of being prepared. If that is so, then being lucky means having the knowledge to take advantage of the right time and opportunity when they present themselves. This book will provide you, an intelligent person, with that knowledge, in the form of sound, commonsense principles and an absolute minimum of theory. But you’ll have to look elsewhere for techniques on kissing or dressing to impress or how to make someone fall for you.

This book is based on the belief that your ideal person is someone who accepts and likes you just the way you are and that you can choose to be around people with whom you feel happy just being yourself. This book is not steeped in psychological theory. You won’t be asked to resurrect the past and determine what went wrong and why. We can ruminate from now until forever about why something didn’t work, but until we change our thinking and actions, we will keep repeating our painful lessons.

This book doesn’t deny that the negative exists. Rather, it focuses on the positive, in order to move you forward so you can shift your thinking and feelings and take the action needed to positively change your life. Interestingly enough, when you do develop a clearer sense of what you want and what will make you happy, you will automatically begin to understand why those other people and relationships didn’t work. And surprise, you’ll find out that it wasn’t your failure or their faults that were to blame. You just weren’t right for each other.

This book contains a four-step process through which you are going to discover how to bring people into your life with whom you are comfortable, connected, compatible, and have chemistry. If you are like me, you may have wondered if you are the cause of your flagging social life or failed relationships. But a funny thing happens when you stop seeing yourself as the problem. You step aside and ask the really important questions.

My consulting background taught me to seek answers by taking an inventory of the past. When I inventoried my romantic history, I discovered that I didn’t have a clear goal. I did not know what kind of man I really wanted in my life. And if I had defined what I thought was a clear goal, it would have been just a list of attributes, based on what I thought I needed or could have. And I certainly did not have a clear vision. I did not know what my life could be like with the right person. To top it off, I realized that in my personal life I relied heavily on my abilities to relate to people, but without applying all the thinking skills I used in my work life. Does any of this sound familiar to you?

These realizations became the framework for a business-practical, yet heart-centered process by which anyone can bring the right person into their life. Using myself as a guinea pig, I applied a business model to measure my progress and to develop a step-by-step system. This process helped me bring the most compatible potential partners into my life and prepared me to recognize the right one—after a history of choosing the wrong ones. This process can do the same for you.

This business model for personal achievement is based on my experience working with successful business leaders, people who tend to approach life with all cylinders firing. That is why the process in this book is structured to help those of you who are analytical thinkers, as well as those who are more intuitive and feeling based, to use all your thinking skills, in order to bring the right person into your life.

I became aware that total-brain thinking was an invaluable asset in business when I was consulting with scientists and engineers in the aerospace, technology, and environmental fields. These were smart people, but I noticed that the ones who depended primarily on their rational/logical mind to solve problems and come up with new approaches were less effective than those who also used their unconscious. Working with these scientists and engineers taught me how to go beyond my own natural creative and intuitive skills. I learned how to use my analytical mind to better plan, assess, and weigh the facts, so that I could make decisions more effectively. It was obvious that we all needed the same skill set to maximize our potential.

Before developing this process, it never occurred to me that the conclusions I came to in my consulting work could also be effective if applied to my personal life, where I made decisions mainly based on instinct and feeling. I used to feel that meeting suitable people could never involve anything logical or systematic. Consequently, my love life always seemed to happen to me. And with all the drama in my life, anyone who knew me then would agree. When my scientist and engineering friends, who had taken an analytical approach to finding a partner, reported that they were equally unsuccessful, I began to think about applying the total-brain model I used in business consulting to my personal life.

It doesn’t matter whether you are a more analytical, more emotional, or more intuitive person. What does matter is that you learn how to be all these at different times and in different situations. In your efforts to bring the right person into your life, this will be invaluable. It will mean you can have fun enjoying the great people you meet as a result of this process, while the wiser side of your thinking works behind the scenes to keep you on track.

As you use this process, you will see a noticeable change in the quality and compatibility of your romantic partners. And, as a bonus, learning to harness all your thinking skills will be equally valuable in every area of your life, from your selection of jobs and business partners to your relationships with friends and family members.

Remember: Being lucky is a matter of being prepared, so you can take advantage of the right time and opportunity. Now we come to the most important question you need to ask yourself before you read on. Are you ready to bring the right person into your life? All the information, support, and tools are here to help you be successful when you are ready. You can choose to read this book, absorb what you learn, and then wait until your timing is right before taking action.

I guarantee once you know you are ready, the combination of that certainty and the wisdom of this process will be a powerful catalyst. Your life will change in wonderful ways you only hoped were possible. You can make it happen.

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