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Dear Readers,
Recently I received a thank you email from one of you.
The words of this thoughtful person, "thank you for being there" made
me realize that I wanted to say thanks to each of you.
Thank you for being there. Thank you for having the
courage to seek answers, for opening up your mind to possibilities,
and most of all for continuing to believe that you can have someone
your life who likes and loves you just the way you are.
During the past few years that I have been writing
this column my life lessons have come back to me through your letters.
I want to share these lessons with you as gifts for the New Year. This
coming year is full of promise and unlimited possibilities. Let's
experience it together.
Gift 1—Forgive
yourself. All your mistakes and regrets are in the past.
It's time to move on with a new view of yourself and your life. This
is the beginning of an exciting new chapter. Turn the page.
Gift 2—Realize
that singleness is a stage. Being alone affords you the
opportunity to become more aware of what you want out of life. Use
this precious time to discover what makes you happy and the kind of
person you want in your life. Then you'll be able to recognize them
when they appear.
Gift 3—Accept
yourself. You don't need to become someone else to find
love. There is no greater joy than having someone love you—warts and
all. Look at the people who already like you; see yourself through
their eyes and so will someone else.
Gift 4—Peel
off labels that limit you. You are not your extra pounds,
divorce, lack of hair, physical challenge, or age. These are excuses,
not explanations for why you may be alone. Your essence, the spirit
that shines from within, is what defines who you are. See that in you
and others will too.
Gift 5—Seek
friendship while you date. Encourage, accept, and focus on
each other's better qualities. Realize friendship and romance needs to
coexist to form a foundation on which a relationship can endure.
Gift 6—Give
bad dates the heave-ho. Don't clutter your life with people
you don't like. Make room for the good ones and date a variety of
people to get a clearer sense of the type of person you want to be
with—soon you'll date a better class of wrong person until the right
one comes along.
Gift 7—Focus
on how you feel. Don't worry
about how the other person feels about you. People don't make you
happy, but certain types of people contribute to you feeling good.
Become aware of how you feel around others and the right ones will
find you.
Gift 8—Exercise
your funny bone. Laugh at the absurdity of situations and
people that you meet and you'll survive the bozos or bozettes you
date. The majority of unmarried people say a good sense of humor is a
top requirement for their dates. Laugh at life and others will want to
be with you.
Gift 9—Take
your dates off their pedestals. When you are a pursuer or
being pursued the focus is on winning the prize. Instead of chasing
the unattainable, or being unattainable when you're chased, seek a
relationship based on being real and your relationships will be too.
Gift 10—Delete
the negative statistics. Read the tabloids—Happiness is not
the domain of the good-looking, rich and famous. Everyday people over
forty tie the knot, short, bald men get married, and full-figured
women find love. Focus on supply not shortages and your life will
always be filled with love.
Gift 11—Ride
out dating cycles. When you feel that you are in the dating
desert realize you need space in your life to let your wounds heal or
you risk sabotaging your next relationship. The lonely times will pass
quicker by finding solace in friendships and supporting others.
Gift 12—Show
genuine interest in others. One of the greatest turn-ons is
being with someone who is focused totally on you. Learn to really
listen to your dates, remember the things they tell you and inquire
about their day. This kind of attention is more important than fancy
cars and fabulous looks.
—Philippa
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